Cassandra syndrome - When you know what will happen but nobody believes you

If you scream a lot "the wolf" without evidences, the others will not belive you when time's up. The menthal problem is not a game, and it could destroy yourself seriously. When you stuck in the deep period and trying to get out throught your work and you do not see improvements are questioned everything.

What you are doing now?

Maybe, I am at the bottom and now I had to be there to move on soon. That is the moment when I trying to heal myself from depression, actually the climate depression.

Soon there will be come a deadline of a novel competition, which based on the climate crisis. And I will send it my version. I have finished the 10 pages scifi writing since september. Then I was satisfied with that and I hoped that I could be calm down with this topic. But tha situation getting worse and worse when I see that my prophesy are come true two month later, that was really shocked me.

"Venice belongs to the past" in the novel and now we know that is true in one view, the town will not be a same as before the flooding. The damages are serious more than 100 million EUR.

What have I done? Am I be guilty, when I wrote down that? Because I know that some time my visions comes true, but nobody belives me or this is just an accident?

And now here comes a chance to help with my work to audiences and I am really worried that I did not pass the interview, and missed the chance to help.

Why? Because I wanted to help the crisis communication this is the only meaning of my life. I am so different from the others. And I need to accept and use it for clear my life decision. Am I a wrong person? I work on 0-24h in this topic because I can not look away and I am suffering from my visions.

I want to get back my life but I know that it will be not work, because I've seen the Plan (Future) I dreamed the collapse of civilization because we sistematicaly loose the humanity inside of ourself and we are going to kill each other because of the money, food, water, fossil fuels, religions, colour of your skin, nation, way of thinking, freedom, language and so on. I suffer from that and written down but not help. I can not ignore my fears, because everyday when I saw the disaster in front of me, I feel guilt

I hate that role, I am sober and nobody belives me and I have never met with Apollon. I've kept away some men in my life, but I do not think so it is a punishment for that. Yes, I do not feel my self as a real woman. I am a human, one of Gaia's children, I was born in Hungary, but my religion is not categorized I am not just a protestant anymore. Something changed when I met with my partner, I've opend to see the bigger picture He helped me in, to care others.

With this huge pack, I have been living with about 8 years. But I was that child who are did not want to harm others, I would like to get on well with everbody. I wanted to they like me. I tried to avoid confrontations and fightings, arguings. And actually I have always run away of them. I have always escaped from problems and myself and unconfortable situations where I was in. Because the price is that I harm to others.

And now I am standing in the grave of my ambitions. I am tired, suffer from isomnia, I do not have any energy and motivation because I can not do, what I really want in my profession, and I am afraid of I will have no future.
I fight in social problems but not enought, I am applying in my professions and not enought. Trying to help to heal my self too and not enought.

What is enought?

Screaming out louder that, the life which we are live in now is going to change totaly ? I am not Cassandra, I am not her reincarnation, or if it is true, I do not want to be her.
In the History there were many artists, who were not famous and succesfull in that time, but now He would have been a billionair such as Van Gogh.

Now I feel that the same. My messages will not reach the people in my life time and when they understand everything I will be sink under the Atlantic see. I was there when I was about 16-17 years old in Great Britain and I was amazed it's power. The peaceful and lonly coastline. I promised to my self when I die my dusts will be there.

Back to the novel, which I have written down. I gave one last chance for the civilization when they understand the meaning of the life which is the global equality. To save yourself is to save others to care others and help. But honestly this is just an utopy. For the hope I need more than a promise you try to change your way of thinking.